I don’t really know what I was expecting of motherhood. I
knew that it would be hard, but I didn’t know how hard it would be. I honestly thought that having some good life
experience behind me and having a bevy of nieces and nephews would make having
a baby relatively easy.
Wrong.
My husband said that, for him, the panic started to set in
as we drove away from the hospital. I was still feeling pretty confident at
that point. (Confident = clueless) Even the first couple of days at home seemed
pretty smooth—like the calm before the storm.
Then I cried for a week.
I was convinced that I had made a huge mistake in thinking
that I was cut out to be a mother. What was I thinking?! I was never angry or
resentful towards my baby, but I certainly felt frustrated and helpless on the
days he wouldn’t stop crying. How could I be expected to take care of him as he
grew older when I couldn’t even soothe his crying as a newborn? I mean, really!
Newborns only eat, sleep, and soil diapers. How hard is it to see to their
needs?
My Mom assured me that I was doing just fine, but I was
convinced that I was the worst mother in the whole entire world. My husband did
his best to help out, and I honestly don’t know what I would have done without
him.
Week 2 went a little better, and Week 3 was a bit better
than that.
My son is now almost 3 months old, and I finally feel like I
have a handle on things. That isn’t to say that there aren’t hard days, but I
feel I know how to deal with them better. I talk about my experience with other
mothers, and their response is always the same: their experience as first-time
mothers was exactly like mine. My reply to this statement is, “WHY DIDN’T
ANYONE TELL ME?”
So, here is my warning to all of those who are considering
becoming parents, or are awaiting the arrival of your little one: Nothing will
adequately prepare you for the change that will take place in your life.
I have never worked harder in my entire life, especially on
so little sleep, but I have also never been a part of anything so wonderful.
And that is the real point I want to make.
There is nothing more precious than having those clear eyes
look up at you with love and absolute trust. There is nothing more joyful than
the smile on their face when they wake up in the morning. There is no sound
more beautiful than their very first laugh.
No matter how much sleep I lose, or how often he cries (or
spits up on me or poops on me, etc), no matter how long it took for him to be
born (30 hours of labor)—every moment of frustration and tears is worth it. The
honor and joy of being the mother of such a sweet and loving soul makes everything worth it.
I wouldn’t give up any of it for the world.
