* Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
* I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
* I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
* If my trusted lieutenant
tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After
all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
* I will keep a special cache
of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way--even if the
heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue
energy weapons useless--my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages
armed with spears and rocks.
* If I absolutely must ride
into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of
Terror, nor will I seek out the hero among his army.
* My five-year-old child
advisor will be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks
the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to
passwords.
* When I create a multimedia
presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily
understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord"
and leave it lying on top of my desk.
* No matter how well it would
perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely
indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
* I will never build only one
of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels
and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully
loaded weapons at all times.
* I will design fortress
hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders
could use for cover in a firefight.
* Bulk trash will be disposed
of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of
that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable
intervals.
* The hero is not entitled to
a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
* If an enemy I have just
killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have
them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring
feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
* To keep my subjects
permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free
unlimited internet access.
* I will see to it that
plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander
shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and
denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to
rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing
ever comes along.
* I will not attempt to kill
the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up
accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.
* I will not make alliances
with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me
in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than
myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.
* If the hero runs up to my
roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push
him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the
middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth
considering.)
* If I am fighting with the
hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off
and he glances behind me and drops flat, I, too, will drop flat instead of
quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
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